Epiphany: an illuminating realization or discovery, often resulting in a personal feeling of elation, awe or wonder.

I should be reading for my upcoming exams but instead, I am sitting here reflecting on the past seven months. They have weirdly enough been a rollercoaster for me, which is not usually the case with the past years. While I don’t have much to show for them physically, I have everything to show for them mentally, emotionally and in some ways spiritually.

I have met people or should I say people met me. These few months I have met people who, now with hindsight, feel like they were put in my life to force me to do some very serious self-reflection. They have taught me things about myself by simply interacting with me. Their actions and my reactions have forced me to ask why I choose to see things that way; is my view the reality of things or am I seeing things through a purely emotional lens?

I have never been one to feel insecure about someone, what they do and what they have accomplished, but Jesus knows I have felt that this year. I have never been in a position where I have needed to seriously think through and sort out my emotions for the most reasonable answer, but this year I have. I have never really felt the pressure to get my life together and start being independent like I have this year. I have also never felt as confused, grateful, and happy as I have this year. I have also never felt myself mature like I have this year, it is almost scary how tangible it is to feel yourself mature to be very honest. It’s like taking off a cloth but for the last time, you literally feel yourself drop some childish tendencies and that can be weird especially if these tendencies developed as coping mechanisms that helped you function.

To anyone who has been a part of my life this year so far and played a significant role in it, I’d just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have taught me things about life that I knew but had never experienced; the lesson you live stays with you longer than the lesson you hear.

We are now in August. I do not know what the next five months hold for me but I’ll be living one day at a time and doing my best to make the most of every day. I feel like I have been in a state of slumber, life and its various realities hadn’t sunk in yet but this year was the biggest wake-up call I have ever had and I have had quite a few. Suddenly I am questioning old thinking patterns and habits, I want other things for myself. I want to wake up one day and see the life I have always envisioned for myself, but that cannot happen without work on my part. Serious, consistent work. I have always put off doing things, learning things, exploring things because I was scared I’d fail, scared of what people would think, and just generally scared of walking out of my comfort zone. I’ve done things that I genuinely loved but I later abandoned them because I felt kinda silly doing them, or the grass looked greener somewhere else, or I wondered if people would even cared. Not anymore if I want to do it, I will do it.

I know changes do not happen overnight and some of the most beautiful things are made from patience and consistency, but if I always remember I am doing whatever I am doing for a purpose whether grand or personal I’ll be able to keep at it. So whenever I get tired or lose interest I just need to remind myself of the purpose behind the work, because the grand picture shows you the pieces you never get to see under the microscope.

I wish everyone reading this a great rest of the year. If you want to start something, do it. If you want to learn something, start learning. Whatever you want to do you are capable of doing, you just need to start. Do it scared, do it unsure but do it.