Looking at social media at the end or beginning of the year can feel like you are drowning! Every other post about someone’s wins will have you asking yourself; okay, what did I accomplish or what am I trying to accomplish? Then you look at what you’ve achieved compared to what others have accomplished and think to yourself Papa God what am I not doing right??

There’s the other side of the coin where you do not feel like you have a single thing to show for having lived a whole year. Every day you were just surviving and hanging onto the fact that you have yet to lose your mind. If you can relate you are probably shaking your head slowly hehe.

Remember December 2024? With all those “Thank you for the happiest days of my life” edits? The imaginary pressure was felt in every corner and it is easy to say comparison is the thief of joy but you have to admit seeing all those snapshots of people highlighting what they went through and did throughout the year, over and over again will leave you feeling a certain way. I know it did on my side.

It’s hard to feel optimistic about life when you feel like you are just wasting away. No plans, no next steps and you do not even feel like setting goals because they feel useless. Having hope makes you feel like throwing up because it just feels overwhelming. It feels like the past five years have cooked you, like the kids say. You’re so cooked that at this point you’ve just burnt and your will to live is slowly sizziling out. You are constantly worried about the future while simultaneously doing nothing about it due to how helpless and hopeless you feel.

People keeping saying there’s a light at the end of the tunnel but you start to wonder if that light isn’t an oncoming train racing towards you. Life is generally hard, directionless and meaningless in your opinion, it isn’t but that is how it feels which is valid if your’ve been taking hit after hit without any sort of reprive. You have spiralled so fast, your mental health is about to call an ambulance on you and the only thing holding you together is the couple of hours you spend doomscrolling and disassociating at 3 am because that is when everything is quiet enough for you to do so.

If you feel attacked by everything I have just described, I’m sorry don’t beat me please. I was just describing my life up until this point. This is not a wake up call, it’s just my way of saying I understand. I honestly don’t know if it gets better, all I know is I woke up one day and decided to focus on the smallest things like the way the sunlight hits a spiderweb or shines through a leaf. These little miracles are what have helped me as I work on fixing my perspective on life.

All I am trying to say is when your brain starts to get too loud and life starts to get drained of all its color, go touch some grass. It helps.

Happy New Year! May you find your joy again.